My name is Michael Kleymann, and I was a member of the Wichita Church of Christ Jesus for 3 1/2 years. I left the church in Wichita, for reasons that are truly unclear to me at this time. At the time that I left, I was in counseling for clinical depression, and on medication to moderate mood swings, and that tends to make things a little fuzzy. I remember talking to the singles leader about the side effects of depression, namely the paranoia and nightmares that made it impossible at the time to really trust anyone, and saying that I just needed some time to myself to think.
Well, six months later, a friend of mine in Dallas, who was a member of the Dallas church, invited me to come down, stay with him and his wife while I got my feet back under me, and start getting back with the church. I got together with a few people from the Wichita church, let them know what was going on, and prepared to move to Dallas.
Almost immediately upon arrival in Dallas, I started getting with people from the church here. I was eager to demonstrate my willingness to "make things right with God." Inside of 2 weeks, I was baptised. I remained at my friends house for a short time longer, until I had found a job that payed better than minimum wage, helping out with household things, like babysitting, etc. After about a month, I had sufficient funds coming in to move into an apartment with some of the single brothers.
Things went very well for about 4 months. Then suddenly, in a sector that had not had a married couple fall away in 2 years, 7 married couples left at the same time. Naturally, this was cause for concern. At the leadership level, there was some concern about the evangelist. Were things ok? Was there some sin that we didn't know about? Of course, if you're a former member reading this, you know what those questions can lead to. A nice long rebuking. So, I only had one person that I could really ask these questions.
My friend and his wife were one of the 7 couples that left. Along with the evangelist's brother-in-law and his wife. So, I went to my friend. I was genuinely concerned. I wanted to know what had happened. To start with, he didn't want to end up being labeled as "divisive," and wouldn't answer my questions. Finally, I told him that it would be less divisive to just tell me what happened than to leave me hanging with no answers. And what came out left me rather astonished.
It seemed that the evangelist and his wife had come over to speak to them after they had left. At that session, he made disparaging (slanderous ?) remarks about one of the other couples that had left. In particular, his sister-in-law, who was a very good friend of my friends wife. The meeting ended with my friend holding his wife back to keep her from physically attacking the evangelist, and the evangelist being told it would be a very good idea to leave soon.
Some of the things that led to their making the final decision to leave (and eventually to my decision):
The evangelist in our sector had spoken to my friend's wife about being in church on a given Sunday, before they actually left and were only considered "struggling." Her husband was out of town on business, the evangelist made some remark about being able to trust him in Las Vegas if they weren't strong disciples, and suggested that maybe she should come to church that Sunday. She said no. Not until her husband got back and they could go together.
Later, in a phone conversation (that I personally was there to hear) the evangelist told the sector leader that he had spoken to BOTH of them (remembering that the husband was out of town) and that they had said they would definitely be at church on that Sunday. I spoke to them myself later, and found that to be a lie. The evangelist had not called Las Vegas to speak with my friend, he had been informed by my friends wife that he would be out of town until the following Tuesday, and that she would not be at the service on Sunday. The evangelist in question never apologized to them after being caught in the lie, or to any of the people present when he told the lie, never admitted lying, never confessed to the church, and when the lie (and assorted others of similar nature) were brought to the attention of the sector leader, the evangelist was merely moved to another sector and someone else brought in to smooth things over.
I bought it. I thought, "Now things are actually going to change. Things'll get better." Nothing changed. I started paying attention to what was said and done around me. In a 3 month period, I heard the question "Do you have your contribution tonight?" more often than I heard "Would you like to get together for a quiet time?" "Would you like to get together for some prayer?" "How is your walk with God?" put together. It became clear to me that if my contribution was in on time, and I never missed a service, the leadership would just assume that I must be doing alright spiritually. And then it happened. I started having the mood swings again. The nightmares were back.
I tried to deal with it on my own. End result? Missed a week of work, and almost lost my job. During that week, I sought couseling. The only counselor in the church anyone could point me to lived in Kansas City. So I sought counseling outside the church. My discipler was all for it. "Let's get this worked out, get it dealt with." he said. And yet, he never made any attempt to really understand what it was that I was dealing with. He just assumed that if I was in counseling, and taking the proper medication, everything must be fine now. Not even close. It's a long, complicated process. And the church was no help at all.
The doctor that I went to had prescribed two different medications. One to moderate the mood swings, which for me could be quite violent (I'm 6'3", 300 pounds, with training in the martial arts) and a second to help me sleep if that one wasn't knocking me out sufficiently. I was in bed by 9 pm in order to be sufficiently awake to be at work the next morning. My attendance to evening functions suffered. The leadership became concerned.
I let them know about the effects of the medication, and the changes that had been necessary in my personal life in order to start dealing with this thing. They seemed to be very understanding. Until I continued to question the actions of the former evangelist for our sector. Why was nothing being done? Why was he still in leadership after proving that he was unrepentant of his sin? I was told I was being rebellious. A brother advised me to not take my medication on Saturday nights so that I wouldn't be sleepy on Sunday morning. I followed my doctors advice and was called independent and willful.
I was toying with the idea of leaving the church. The new evangelist wanted to get together, talk things out. Sunday morning at church, we talked about him coming over to my apartment later that day. He wasn't real sure of his schedule, might not be able to get there until late at night, after leader's meeting. That was fine with me, I'd wait. That afternoon, I went to the drive thru at McDonald's for lunch rather than go out with the rest of the singles so that there would be no way I could miss being there for the meeting. At 2 am, I finally went to bed. He never called, and never showed up.
But, the next Sunday was the deciding issue. My roommates got up, got ready and left for church. And left me asleep in my room. I decided that if that was the attitude I was facing, maybe I was better off somewhere else. I decided that the next weekend I would look for a new apartment, and get out of here. My roommates beat me to the draw, though. On Tuesday night, December 19th, I was told to move out by my roommates.
Now, considering my plan at that point, this wouldn't be much of a big deal. Properly handled, nothing would have been said by me at all. However.... To the best of my recollection, this is how that evening went:
Around 6pm, I arrived at home. Something had happened. There were plants in the corner. We never had those before. John comes out of the back bedroom. I'm a little surprised. John didn't live here when I left for work this morning. I say nothing about this. Watch some tv, make dinner, make some phone calls.
About 8:30, John asks what time Nathan gets home. I tell him, give or take an hour, 11pm. I go merrily along finishing things up, get ready for bed, take my pills, lay down at about 9:30. Shortly before 12 midnight, I am awakened by John, Nathan, and a 3rd brother who did not live with us. I am informed that due to my resistance to attempts to get together to talk things out, they had been advised to tell me to have my stuff out and in the truck when I left for work in the morning.
Naturally, I become a little upset about this. I ask about the rent that I had paid through the end of December, make them aware of my plan to move anyway, and suggest that perhaps I could just stay till then. They say no. I'm still thinking, what attempts to get together? I only recall one. I was where I was supposed to be.
They kept talking. You've gotta change, you're leaving God, etc. etc. I become more upset. They keep pushing. Jackpot! MOODSWING FROM HELL! I try to get away from them enough to keep from hurting anyone by starting packing. They follow, keep talking. I couldn't take it. Left hand lashed out, caught John by the throat.
It's his fault. He asked what time Nathan was getting home,
didn't bother to suggest that I wait up 'cause we all need to
have a talk, thought it would be more fun to wake me up later.
(Maybe he didn't actually think it, but I don't think I was
actually rational at that point) Picked John up. One handed, by
the throat. Started for the balcony of our third floor
apartment. The non- roommate brother started to grab my arm. At
the same time, I decided John wasn't worth it and just pushed him
away. He came to a stop after stumbling to the wall.The non-roommate said, "You don't want to be rolling around on
the floor with me." He had just gotten out of the military,
feeling big and powerful. I responded, "
I went back to the bedroom, started packing again. They hovered over me like hawks, like they expected me to steal something. I felt the rage welling up again, took the large box and headed for the door. They got in the way. I told them to move. They said they wanted to talk about this. I backed up, threw the large box back into the bedroom, all the way across the bedroom and said I would be leaving now. I'd be back for my things later. They said OK, but give us your key to the apartment. I said that as long as my stuff was in the apartment, I'd keep the key.
They wanted to argue. I pushed through to the door, ran down the stairs and out to the truck. Spent the rest of the night in the truck, driving around, trying to calm down. Finally drove to my friends house, waited until 6:30 am and went in to pick him up for work. I told him what had happened, and he said that it would be OK for me to stay with him and his wife until I got myself back together.
After work, I went by the apartment to get my stuff, and the lock had been changed on the door. I sat in the truck and waited for someone to come home. Alex, the roommate who had not been there the night before, arrived about an hour later. He also did not have a key for the new lock. I let him know that I would be back the next night, and what time I would be there. In order to get a promise that someone would be there, I had to threaten legal action (filing charges of theft by conversion) if not allowed in to get my stuff out. They agreed. I went back to my friend's house. The next evening, I was finally allowed to reclaim my belongings.
As you can see from the description, it was not exactly the high point of my life. In fact, I had never been that angry. And yet, I know that if it had been handled in a Christian manner, it never would have happened. If they had merely asked me to wait for Nathan to get home, they wouldn't have had to wake me up, I would not have gotten as angry as I did, and the whole mess could have been avoided.
Now, I know that someone who is still a member of the church might read this, and ask why I didn't talk about my sin in the matter. Am I trying to deny that I had sin in my life? No. I sinned. Same as everyone else. When I got together with my discipler, and was able to say that I had been absolutely pure for months, he asked if I had a problem with being deceitful. When I said no, he asked about my purity again. I ask, where is the grace? I confessed my sin. I was baptised for the forgiveness of that sin. According to the Bible, the final authority on such matters, at the moment of my baptism I became a new creation, and my sin was erased. And yet, months after the fact, it was still being thrown in my face.
Admittedly, for a while after this happened, I was angry. I was bitter. I've decided to put it behind me. The depression is gone. It cleared up within 2 weeks of leaving that household. No more moodswings. It's been about a year now, and life has been straight uphill since then. I have good, real friends. I've seen exactly 3 people that I knew from church since then. One would talk to me. The others either didn't notice me (hard to imagine, considering my size) or pretended not to. Which is ok with me.
©1996 by Michael Kleymann <mkleyman@gte.net>. All rights reserved.