Without paraphrasing or quoting the Bible, take a few minutes and write down some phrases that come to mind about this topic: what is your view of God? Who is God? What is He like? Can you tell me about His character? Let's take a couple of minutes to write down what comes to mind. In the same line of thought, Tim Keller gives this advice, "Describe the God you've rejected... Describe the God you don't believe in... Maybe I don't believe in that God either."
As David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen point out in their book, "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse," it is sometimes people are abused by those in places of religious authority, and in doing so they may have a view of God that isn't really God.1 Concerning "spiritual abuse," Jeremiah the prophet records: "For wicked men are found among my people; they lurk like fowlers lying in wait. They set a trap; they catch men. Like a cage full of birds, their houses are full of deceit; therefore they have become great and rich; they have grown fat and sleek. They know no bounds in deeds of evil; they judge not with justice the cause of the fatherless, to make it prosper, and they do not defend the rights of the needy ... An appalling and horrible thing has happened in the land: the prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests rule at their direction; my people love to have it so, but what will you do when the end comes?" (Jer. 5:26-28, 30-31, ESV) They note that this abuse is happening from a place of religious authority. Unfortunately, because this religious authority mediates between God and man, representing God to people, many people develop a distorted image of God.
Several former leaders of the International Churches of Christ (hereafter denoted ICoC) and the International Christian Church (ICC) who will remain nameless have pointed out that how a system or a leader acts can portray a lot about how he sees God -- for instance, if a man claims that God is patient with people but bullies people whenever they are the least bit tardy about anything, whether important or not, he is actually portraying that God is not patient. Certainly our operant theology, that is, how we act and what this says about what we believe, is more impressionable to others than our confessional theology, or what we confess to believe.
Johnson and VanVonderen point out2 that some who were in authoritarian churches might develop some different distortions, such as:
I might add the following distortions about God, offered by former leaders of the ICoC:
When we put all these statements together, no wonder so many people don't want anything to do with God, nor with "organized religion" (i.e., the religious establishment or those in religious authority who hurt them). I would quickly like to point out, however, that these statements are not truly indicative of God, the Creator of the Universe, who revealed Himself through Jesus Christ and through the special revelation of the Bible. Instead, when put together, these statements are more indicative of another biblical character: the Devil. No wonder so many who are hurt by authoritarian churches and religious systems say they no longer believe in "God," for the God who was portrayed to them was not God at all!
Unfortunately, since spiritual abuse is neither new (as seen from the prophet Jeremiah) nor uncommon, nor limited to the ICoC, there are many outside of the former members of the ICoC who would also profit from recovering a healthy view of the God of the Bible.
One of the sad tragedies is that there is a common tendency among those who discover they have been victimized by spiritual abuse to throw the baby out with the bath water. No more Bible, no more God, no more Jesus -- it's all a lie!3
Is it possible for people to retain their faith and strain out the poison taught by the ICoC or other spiritually abusive groups? The short answer is yes, although the journey may be long. While I was in the International Churches of Christ, I was only a member for two and bit years, and it took me over a year before I could discern what was correct and what was incorrect, and close to five before I crystallized all of my beliefs. It certainly took some hard work. What I can say from it all is that I have come back to biblical Christianity and it is a wondrous sight to behold the character and being of the true God.
And some people have said that they fired the God that they were taught in the ICOC/ICC. You may have to as well.
https://www.nacr.org/wordpress/4138/if-your-god-is-not-god-fire-him
http://www.nacr.org/wordpress/4114/spiritual-abuse-an-interview-with-jeff-vanvonderen
"The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen. Bethany House Publishers (Minneapolis, Minnesota), 1991.
"Toxic Faith" by Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton. Oliver-Nelson Publishers (Nashville, Tenn.), 1991.